I'm about to have a conversation with a new Facebook friend of mine. We scheduled it for 6:30 p.m. my time. He lives in Pennsylvania, so it'll be 8:30 for him. I haven't met him in person, but we've talked sparingly on the interwebs.
He and his wife have lost a ton of weight together, and have now made it their mission to help others lose weight, too. I'm a little panicked, because I:
1. hate talking on the phone
2. hate talking to people I don't know.
3. hate talking about the fact that I'm overweight.
This is going to be a hard phone call for me.
Last night, while we were scheduling our phone call, my friend asked me to think about something before our talk today.
He said:
"Until we talk I want you to think on something...if you woke up this morning healthy and at a healthy weight, how would today have been different for you?"
Sigh.
So much would be different.
Now, I don't have any grand illusions about how my life will be perfect if I reach a healthy weight. I know my problems don't diminish with my waist line.
But I do know some things will be different.
The more I thought about his question, the more I realized I could narrow all of it down to two different areas: shame and pain.
A lot of the areas I felt would be different involved physical pain. Stuff like I would sleep better, I would have my job, I would be able to play with my kids.
I know with my spinal issues I don't have a guarantee that I'll ever have my pain lessened. But it sure makes sense that losing weight would only help.
The other area I could see the greatest change (hopefully) is change. I beat myself up over being overweight more than I do anything else. I know a part of the reason I don't wear makeup hardly ever, never do my hair, etc. is because I don't think I deserve it.
I also avoid the doctor, flying, and going to lots of social events because I'm ashamed of myself. My biggest fear is that someone will draw attention to my weight problem.
I know that losing weight won't take away my shame, but my Healer will.
I've already taken the big step of addressing my weight issue with my friends and family on Facebook, and here on this blog. I have hope that things will change.
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ReplyDeleteYou are awesome Elizabeth, and you nailed it. Pain and shame.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate hearing about your journey because I'm on one as well. Trying to make simple life changes that will benefit in the long run but don't really seem to be making a lick of difference right here and now. Like cutting out sugar. It's been a two months now and I'm starting to think, "Is it worth it? Is it working?? Why bother anyway!?"
So in the loooooong run it will be worth is and it will work and I will be healthier (also trying to skirt around the whole diabetes dance which runs in my family on both sides).
One day at a time. I hate that line. But it seems to be the thing that is most true about a journey. One day, one step.
So, just letting you know I'm walking alongside you
...and you are truly one of the most amazing people I have ever met; smart, funny, authentic, honest, loving and spiritual and beautiful (inside and out).
Much love,
Cheryl
Cheryl, your words mean so much to me. I don't think I can adequately express myself. It means so much to hear those words from someone who I admire so much. Much love to you.
DeleteDea Elizabeth, I am so proud of you for what you are doing to improve not only your life, but the lives of your family. You are a strong willed (might I say hardheaded) and can really do anything you put your mind to. You have come so far already and God has blessed you so be a good steward of His blessings You are an encouragement to me. I love you so very much. Momma
ReplyDeleteYou know me! I love you, Mom.
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